Santa Salmon

By: pbcmedia

Dec 17 2009

Tags: , , , ,

Category: Ethics


Focal Length:50mm
Shutter:1/0 sec
Camera:Canon EOS 5D

Who knew?

One can flunk jacuzzi 101.

I stepped into a jacuzzi that is adjacent to the indoor pooi at the YMCA.  It was occupied by one man with the same color hair as mine-white.  He’d been in there for some time and was approaching poached salmon skin alert.  He’d been there a long time because the white soap suds were also now floating cumulus clouds covering the steps and seating area.  I looked for a clearing from the suds and sat down immersed in 102 degree water.

Almost immediately the jets of the jacuzzi stopped and he made some joke about the timing of my arrival  and the end of the cycle which I gather is on a timer for about 10 minutes.  Anyway, I joked back and said, “Oh well, looks like I broke it.”

I don’t mind not having the jets and the mounting foam so I could care less about it.

But, he decided to tell me to go back out of the jacuzzi and press the start button to start the jets again.

I looked at him and with my charming way simply said, “Why don’t you do it?  You’ve been here for awhile and I just got here?”

Nellie, he wasn’t prepared for this insolence.

“Well!” he sputtered.  “I’ve already pressed it when I got in.  Last one in is supposed to press it.”

“Oh,” I said to him not moving.  “There’s an etiquette in the jacuzzi?”

He nodded sagaciously.

“Well, ” I said to him smiling and non-movingly, “I guess I flunk jacuzzi then.”

I proceeded to enjoy the heat without the jets and the mounting foam clouds and after about five minutes he got out and pressed the start button and said with as much irony and sneer as a poached salmon can muster, “Happy Holidays”.

I wanted to yell out, “Thanks, Santa!” but decided to just get out myself and left the churning waters to foam all over itself.

I thought of him later while waiting at the fish counter in the supermarket.

I looked at the salmon.

Santa Salmon was sneering.

I swear.

©Pat Coakley 2009


6 comments on “Santa Salmon”

  1. Who knew there was ever such a thing as Jacuzzi Etiquette to flunk? What a plonker. It’s also a bit pervy of him to expect you to get out in your swimsuit to press the button again. Why? So he could sit there? Observe you dripping? Know that you had done his bidding? Ick. I may be overreacting but that makes me uncomfortable. So pleased you had the last laugh.
    “Last one in is supposed to press it” Since when? He sounds like a petulant 5 year old no matter what his hair colour.

  2. Epic, well, he was dripping with rules more than pervy, I think but it did get me thinking about all the spots where human connections can go wrong! No wonder they are having a wee bit of trouble in Copenhagen! If 102 degree water can’t stem my sarcasm or his entitlement, what will?

  3. I didn’t know mules were allowed in the YMCA Jacuzzi.

  4. I’m not sure you flunked jacuzzi 101. That may have been a trick question. I wonder how long he was in there, convincing others to push the button for him while he turned into a cooked salmon. But thinking of this gent while looking over the dead fish at the market… well, that’s another story.

    • Don, given that you have a penchant for butcher shops, I suggest you go and give an artistic look at a fish counter. There are many possibilities!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: